I think I've officially lost it

I think I've officially lost it. I was told this unofficially, around four years ago but this time it has finally sunk in. For the past three minutes of having lost it, it still feels as great as it did that precise moment when I realised it.

It's not that I haven't lost it before. I have. I have lost it, I have seen myself losing it and I definitely see myself losing it in the future. But this epiphany, while drinking coffee and studying the Direct Effect of Emotions on Interpersonal Attraction suddenly came to me and left me surprised, despite having subliminally suspected my self of having lost it for the past four years. For some time now, I suspect. Or even longer, I suspect (even more sublinimally now).

I'm not sure about losing it - it feels like an uncapturable, strangely ephemeral feeling - but having lost it feels quite peaceful. Like I'm finally agreeing with this voice inside, which has been incessantly trying to make small talk with me for such a long time now, till about nine minutes ago when it suddenly grinned at me and disappeared, nevertheless to come back and wink at me.

Yes. When you will have lost it, you will feel like writing some good old undiluted nonsense right in the middle of quite sincerely studying something. You will also, quite sincerely subliminally suspect yourself of an obvious truth (that of you having lost it) and then go ahead and become sublinimal about it. You will hear voices in your head, indeed, this voice will try making small talk with you and not just that - it will also grin, and then rush back to wink, at you. You will also, find a quiet satisfaction in endlessly repeating and reiterating and resaying and retelling and finally in a flourish of rehashing, recapitulating it all.

I think I've lost quite a bit of it now.

Soul

I've never spoken with you, I've not seen you. I don't know you. But today you gave me enough reasons to thank you for making my friend so happy.

"I don't know why people say the soul is an intangible thing. What she's sent you is just like her soul, something tangible, something you can touch, feel, see."

I usually don't remember things I've said to people, except in certain circumstances. You've touched me as well. Thank you.

!

V: !
U: Why?
V: *growls*
U: *blank look*
V: I'm what is called an enthu cutlet today!
U: *blanker look*
V: Yeah, basically..
*stops mid-thought, that time when another thought pulls out its fly-swatter and bumps off the previous one*
U: What does it mean?
V: It means that I just can't still today.
U: You could just be itchy.
V: No! Ahh.. it's more about being really full of life for everything in general..
*the word general fades out like a disheartened comet's tail*
U: Okay.
*Silence sits conspicuously on the table. It yawns, stretches, scratches its face and twitches a bit. Finally, it*
.
..
...
V: !

No blankets

She has a way about her.
Brief welcomes, keenly felt goodbyes.
Incapable of small talk.
Makes you need to believe in something.
Walks on long roads, alone. Deepens breaths.
Has no tricks of light, no promises.
Freezes fingertips.
Electrocutes you and clenches your fists. In anger, no.
In protest of being wrecked and shaken and changed.
Makes you see Polaroid grainy.
Steals your breath, makes it white.
Burns with the sharpness of frost.
Gentles with mist and breeze.

Don't draw the curtains. Don't tighten, don't soften.
Don't close. Don't withdraw. Don't wrap, don't leave.

Let her in.

(Photo Source)

No, shocked.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/surprised/392625/0

Why.

Somehow, it's not a question anymore. All questions have a chance at an answer. Some questions are too cold to be answered.

Things will never be okay again. It's vital to understand this rather than go about airbrushing the scars.

Leave

A cruel moon
Candle-lit with tears reviving a dry, dry grave

A lone question
Trembling with the fear of unintentional hurt

A helpless yearning
Wringing in the discontented mindless silence

An imperfect smile
Tiring with the geometry of knowledge

Let anything go wrong
Let go, be strong.