I had no fucking idea! It's incredibly shocking to me, that despite having read, spoken, argued, participated in and discussed sex and sexuality, I had such a fundamental misunderstanding about my own body. What makes it worse is that I've also perpetuated this myth by talking about it, authoritatively, to my friends.
*sinking face*
She is one of my idols, as of this moment.
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goddamn we know so little. I did know the bit about how having sex more often makes it less painful but I didn't know WHY, it was always just, yeah, this is from experience. I'm also fucking mad, like how did no one tell me this? how did we never get taught this shit?
ReplyDeleteBut i guess, better late than never.
Better late than never.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm amazed how little we know. But what amaze-angers me even more is how an incorrect fact about my body has been relentlessly and authoritatively emblazoned, across centuries, on the human psyche, and has left such burning embers behind, in language, in attitude, in religion, in society, everything. It's not a vestigial matter of biology. An incorrect fact has been used to create eras of sexual repression, fear, shame, revulsion, phew.
It's no wonder that millions of people have lived their lives without having experienced sexual satisfaction or joy, and often, seen sexual dissatisfaction with either resignation or self-blame: 'something must be wrong with me.'
For many women, the definition of sex has been something they have to endure - imagine how powerful it would have been for them to know how to do it the right way, and to be able to tell that to their partner. (Of course, in an ideal world, that kind of education wouldn't be necessary in the first place.)
Knowledge is power: it has such far-reaching consequences. It's unsettling that you and I, having enjoyed the privilege of getting an education, living in the so-called age of information, didn't know/had a completely wrong idea about something so basic about ourselves. And it makes me want to do something about it.
wow what the heck!! But yeah it does hurt the first time!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about that - it hurt me too. But now you and me know the real reason why it was a bad experience, and shout this out, loud and clear! :)
DeleteYeah, and it's comforting to know that it NEEDN'T hurt -- there was a comment somewhere wherein a girl said that her guy and her had been foreplaying and doing other stuff for weeks, so it was pretty smooth. And it seems like there's always a first time -- like if it's been a while it can still hurt :(
ReplyDeleteSad, angry girl: And the 'first' experience can actually repeat itself, if a woman has not had sex in a long time. This is really so much about being considerate.
DeleteI love Laci Green!!! she's fabulous :) I guess the most powerful thing about this video isn't necessarily whether it hurts or not (which varies person to person) but debunking the powerful (and problematic, not to mention incorrect!) cultural stereotype about popping your cherry, breaking your hymen, "losing your virginity," etc etc - whatever THAT means, because as you say in another post, the definition of sex if different person to person (to me, it is inclusive of a wide range of things, not limited to penetration).
ReplyDeleteSo you'll have noticed I'm sure I haven't been around these parts in a loooooooong while, I've been away from Blogspot, but was cleaning out my bookmarks and reminded of so many lovely blogs I've neglected! Was then even more excited to see you share my adoration of Laci. It's like all the people I fangirl about are combining ;)
x
JAG
Haha JAG, I'm quite sure I've been away from blogspot pretty much twice of what you were referring to here. :D I love Laci Green! She was a random discovery - the internet is awesome like that no? - and I've really enjoyed her v-posts. She's so compassionate and I-don't-give-a-shit; this combination is so powerful and rare and fun!
DeleteThe pain etc. is not the most important thing, but it just hits you so hard because we struggle everyday, as women, to take ownership of our bodies. To know that we have been misled at such a fundamental level makes us feel even less in control. Can we not even take some basic things about our bodies for granted? Apparently not.